Why Does Love Do This To Me?
by zabinisgirl
Summary: He hurt her, so she left. Now Lily's back with a vengence ready to impart her wisdom on the British Auror Department. But, after 4 years away, things have changed & Lily's about to find out how different they are.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is a little prologue to the story. This is a Lily/James fic, despite the goings on in this chapter. This is in Lily's POV, but the rest of the story wont be. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: This is not mine. All these characters belong to J.K.Rowling and no infringment on the copyright in intended.

Rating: T for language and some content.

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Why Does Love Do This To Me?

Prologue

Why does love do this to me? I've asked myself that all day every day for 3 weeks. Twenty one days. 504 hours. And the conclusion I've reached? I don't know. I have no fucking idea why to me, love is the best and most wondrous bliss and yet the most hurtful deepest darkest pain.

It started over nothing really. We had run out of milk and neither of us could be bothered to go out and get some more. Then it escalated into a full on fight. One moment it was the typical couple bickering, 'You get it!', and 'No you get it!' then the next, 'You're always so damn stubborn!' and 'I'd rather be stubborn than an arrogant prat!'

Then the next thing I knew, my feet were carrying me out the door, towards my car and far far away from James Potter. I drove for hours, three to be exact, and yeah, okay I did feel guilty. And all I could think to do was apologise. So I did what I should have done three hours ago, and bought some milk before heading back to our flat.

Well here I was standing in the bedroom door of our flat (with the milk of course), being very quiet because I want to surprise James and what do I see? James and my best friend Rosie, in a very compromising position. Let's just say they weren't drinking firewhisky and discussing Quidditch. More like investigating each other's back molars, while naked.

So I did what I do best, which does help at the time but overall isn't so effective, and ran. Before they could see me, I had gone far far away from my best friend and my Fiancé.

Oh yeah, did I mention I was engaged? Just under a week before we had that damned fight. I'm actually looking my engagement ring right now. It's a piece of shit, really. No I'm serious. According to James (Fuck, why does it hurt to say his name?) it was spur of the moment thing so he had to improvise. That's why I'm wearing the ring from a cap of a Firewhisky bottle on my ring finger.

I don't know why I'm wearing it. I mean it's not like I'm going to get married right? Again, I don't know. What's a girl supposed to do when her man (Fiancé to be exact) cheats on her with her best friend? I haven't exactly been in this position before!

You see, for me, James Potter was my first everything. In every possible sense of the word. He was my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first serious crush, my first serious relationship! The first boy I ever loved, the first boy who told me he loved me. And that's why I have no idea what to do. I'm reluctant to loose him, yet I cannot take him back after what he's done.

I suppose I'll have to talk to him tonight. It's the one year reunion that James and I are holding for our Hogwarts year. Everyone's supposed to be there. And in being their Head Girl and in helping plan the party, my presence is required. Besides it's not like I'm going just to talk to James.

Not everything is about James Potter.

So here I am, studying my reflection in the mirror and I look damn good, well I hope so at least. I splurged out today and bought myself a vintage frock. It's black and floaty and goes perfectly with my new heels. I mean, there's nothing wrong with a little retail therapy. My makeup's pretty simple yet elegant and my usual wavy hair is clipped back with the two hair slides James gave me. Funnily enough I was going for the casual 'I just threw some clothes on' look and yet, it took me the better part of five hours. Don't ask.

After carefully avoiding my parents (I mean it's bad enough I had to move back home at 19) I headed to the party, covered by my invisibility cloak (another gift from James). The party was being held at 'Sparkz' a hip new club for the younger generation of wizards and witches.

After slipping through the doors unnoticed, I began to weave my way through the crowd looking for a certain someone. The band was fantastic. They were a wizarding group who played muggle songs and were rather popular at the moment. Typically, when I found him he was surrounded by a group of people, who were laughing at something he had said.

I picked out his best friends, Sirius, Remus, Peter was strangely absent (I wonder if they know that they're friend is a lying, cheating, mother-) and there's Rosie, touching his arm! And he's just letting her! My friends are watching my best friend maul my Fiancé!

How the fuck did I end up like this? Engaged to be married to James Potter. Okay I do realise that to be in my position would be a dream come true for a lot of girls but right now I'd rather be engaged to anyone else. Even Severus Snape, Merlin I'm desperate!

So where was I? Oh yes, the public mauling of my Fiancé. Well I'm staring at James and Rosie (who is by the way shamelessly flirting with him) and suddenly she's tugging on his arm, pulling him towards the drinks table. So as you do, I followed.

"Rosie what the fuck are you playing at," James says pulling that cute, no very annoying face that he gets when he's angry. "I'm engaged to your best friend, in case you've forgotten!"

"If anyone's forgotten James," Rosie replies sweetly, "It's you. After all, you did start the other night."

"That's a load of crap Rosie. You practically threw yourself at me. Not that I sober enough to realise!"

"Well you didn't exactly push me away, did you James?" Rosie asks in that falsely sweet voice, pouring herself a glass of pumpkin juice.

"That night was a mistake," James says tersely, "I love Lily. I'm engaged to Lily. I want to be with Lily. I want to marry Lily," James explains as if she's only two (which sometimes I do believe).

"Well that's just too bad," Rosie says smartly. "I'm pregnant. It's yours."

"What?" I yelled simultaneously with James, pulling of the Invisibility cloak.

"Lily," James breathes, looking at me with this sad expression on his face.

I turned to Rosie, and my cold glare was enough to knock that smarmy expression of her face. I was vaguely aware that the bad had begun to play, 'Why Does Love Do This to Me?' Ironic much.

"You bitch," I say in voice that's colder than my glare. I raise my hand and with a resounding slap, I strike her cheek. "You little bitch!"

There was a collective gasp from the rest of the people who were listening in on our conversation, with much anticipation.

"It's not like I did anything wrong," Rosie says rudely, "It takes two to tango! He practically came running if you must know!"

Slap!

"Fuck you Rosie," I say with the crowd hanging on our every word.

"Oh come on Lily, get real. Like James Potter would ever be happy with someone like you. I was doing you a favour!"

Slap!

"Get out Rosie," I say calmly even though I'm practically seething. She doesn't move. Angrily I snatch the pitcher of pumpkin juice from the table and empty it on her face. Finally, she had the grace to leave. And darling James, well he was kind enough to look ashamed. I could feel the tears, welling in my eyes. I willed them not to spill.

"I don't know. Why does love do this to me? I don't know, I don't know," the lead singer of the band continued unaware that this very song was tearing my apart.

Slap!

My hand met James' face. He flinched, to me it felt great. I wanted him to hurt so much. To feel every fragment of pain that I did. I wanted him to understand what he did to me.

"Lily," James says pleadingly, "I can explain.

Slap!

"It wasn't what it looked like," he continues using all the infamous lines we know to well.

Slap!

Merlin the song was getting to me. And there was James so close, and yet he couldn't be further away. I've lost him. Or maybe he lost me. Whatever. Either way, we can't be together. The tears began to fall, running down my cheek. Gracefully though because when I cry my face doesn't go all red and blotchy. James wore a pained expression. Good.

He looked me in the eye. And played his joker. "I love you."

So I played mine.

Punch!

He holds his bleeding noise after receiving the punch he taught me to throw. The crowd gasps again, still watching us.

I didn't say anything. I didn't need to. He knew what I was thinking; they knew what I was thinking. My expression belayed the pain I was feeling, the disappointment, the hurt. And being every part of the accomplished woman that I am, I turned on my heel and walked.

The crowd parted and I was surrounded by friends yet I couldn't feel more alone. I could barely hear James calling my name. All I heard as I walked away from James Potter was 'Why does love do this to me?'

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A/N: So there it is the prologue of Why Does Love Do This To Me. The song is by The Exponents. The rest of the story takes place roughly 4 years later and the first chapter will be out in about a week. I hope you enjoyed this! Please review, it makes me want to update faster :D

ZabinisGirl


	2. Prologue Part II: James' POV

**DEDICATION: This chapter is dedicated to riduculouslyriddikulus who gave me the idea to write another part of the prologue in James' POV.**

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews, I was given the idea of writing a version of the prologue in James' POV so I did but I wanted to post t today as it fits in with the other chapter. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: The characters of this story are the sole property of J.K.Rowling and no infringment on the copyright is intended.**

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**Why Does Love Do This To Me?**

**Prologue Part II: James's POV**

Why does love do this to me? I can't get it out of my head. I can't get her out my head. Lily. I've figured that love makes you blind, or possibly stupid. It's a bit like Firewhisky really. You get drunk on it, you do things you regret because of it, and it sometimes it's the best thing I know, but mostly it's the worst.

Do you know what it's like to have regrets? To wish you go back in time and change the past? I have regrets. And every day since that argument I wish I could just grab a time turner and go back and fix everything. But I can't.

I didn't mean for any of it to happen. I mean for fucks sake, we were arguing about the bloody milk! The Quidditch was on but that's not an excuse. Not for what I said. I spoke of things that day, that a Potter, or perhaps any other wizard should not utter. She may have said bad things, but they weren't anywhere near as horrible as what as I said to her.

And I watched her leave me. I watched her walk out the door. And as I watched her leave, I didn't think she was coming back. I didn't let myself even hope to think she would come back. I was too scared to dream that things would ever be okay for fear of it not coming true.That's where the Firewhisky came in. I thought it would help solve the problem and it, well for that moment in time, mainly because it made me forget about the problem. But then, in its own doing, five glasses of Firewhisky created a much bigger problem.

The problem came about with a girl by the name of Rosie. Lily's best friend. It was wrong; trust me I know it was. It's like an unwritten rule. And that day is all I've thought about for the last mouth. I was drunk and like I said you do things you regret when you're drunk. And I did. She was looking for Lily and so I had to explain he situation and one thing led to another, and you know the rest. I mean, one moment Rosie was pouring me a glass of Firewhisky, the next, we'd forgotten about Lily and were swept up in our own emotions.

It was strange really. Like I was watching the scene and in it too, if you see what I mean. My mind was telling me to push Rosie away, to say no, but I wasn't physically able to. There was something strange with my body, like I couldn't help but continue. I mean I don't like Rosie, I only put up with her because she was Lily's best friend (I have no idea why), and yet I couldn't stop myself.

Afterwards, when Rosie was gone, guilt consumed me. I had to tell Lily and yet I couldn't tell her because telling her meant I had to admit to what I'd done. I'm not exactly a moral person, so I hoped that perhaps, if we did get back together, I would keep Rosie a secret. I know, that sounds horrible, ignoble and wrong, but it was either that or lose Lily which I wasn't prepared for.

I had no idea where she'd gone too. I'd sent her countless letters. All of which were never replied too. She had disappeared off the face of the Earth. For all I knew, she could lying dead somewhere. But she wasn't. Because Remus knew where she was and although he couldn't tell me, he convinced me to just give her time. So I did. I didn't see Lily for three weeks. I thought they were the worst weeks of my life. I was very clearly wrong. Because now the guilt that consumes me, knowing that pushed the one I loved away, is unfathomable.

That night at Sparkz was supposed to be a joyous occasion. A celebration of our freedom from Hogwarts, of our achievements of the year, of our friends, the ones we love. But it wasn't. What happened at Sparkz was, quite frankly, a disaster. I don't think there's a better word for it. Oh wait, apocalypse might do! I tried to fit in, laughing and joking with my friends. I tried to ignore the absence of Lily. I tried to ignore Rosie who was flirting shamelessly with me. Could she not see that everyone was staring at us? I mean I am engaged to her best friend. I think she could see everyone, but she just chose not to care.

I should've known Lily would do something like that. Show up in an invisibility cloak I mean. I even told her that owning a cloak was a fantastic aid when it came to eavesdropping. And then Rosie went a dropped the bombshell. I'm pregnant James and it's yours. Well I was hardly jumping up and down for joy when I heard that. In fact, I do believe I felt a bit faint. That was, until I noticed Lily had heard everything and she knew. I hadn't seen in 21 days and that she night she looked beautiful, she always does. But I could see she was hurt, and she had every right to be.

I watched her hit Rosie, knowing that I was next. And I may be James Potter and I may be a Gryffindor, but I was scared. The courage sort of failed on me there. I had a list of things I wanted to tell Lily, I didn't want to make any excuses for what I'd done. Because Lily hates excuses. But sadly when I went to speak, all that came out were the clichéd lines you see in movies or read in books. The likes of 'I can explain' and 'It wasn't what it looked like' made their appearance earning me countless slaps on the face. And I deserved every one of them. And she started to cry and that was the undoing of me.

I had to tell how I felt. So I told I loved her. And she broke my nose. Not quite the response I was going for. At least I know she mastered the punch I taught her.

Lily's been gone for a month now. The worst month of my entire existence on this planet we call Earth. And perhaps the worst thing is that Lily's gone and I know for sure that she isn't coming back. She's left to New Zealand to the International Ministry of Magic Auror Training School.

She packed up left and she didn't say goodbye. Mind you, I don't blame her. I would have done the same. I guess that means the wedding's off huh? I considered going after Lily, to New Zealand. But Remus, yet again told me to stay put. He and Lily write to each other and she apparently has specifically asked that I don't come to try and find her and that I stay out of her life.

And I will. I may not want to. Actually, I don't want to, there's no question about it. But Lily's asked this of me, and it's the least I can do to comply with her wishes after all the pain I've caused. I just hope that one day she'll forgive me. And one day, everything between us, will finally be okay. But I know that day won't come for years, even if it comes at all.

And Rosie's pregnant and it's mine. She told me she had taken care of the fertility charm. That we didn't need to worry. Obviously she'd made a mistake. You can't get rid of a baby. That's that. Well I mean you can, but Rosie doesn't want to. She thinks a baby will mean that I have to marry her, which I won't be. She thinks I baby means I love her, which I don't. Most importantly she thinks a baby means that Lily will be a distant memory, and that I can tell you will never happen.

Rosie's taken away from my Everything. My Fiancée. My Love. My Lily.

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**A/N: So that was Part II of the Prologue. Next chapter is almost half done so I should be roughly a week. I'd just like to say thankyou to riduculouslyriddikulus, aChocoholic, SpikesDreamer, and SoEmoBaby for reviewing. And if you do like this story please leave me a comment, I really apprectiate them!**

**Bye bye, for now,**

**ZabinisGirl**


	3. Honey I'm Home

**A/N: Well here it is, the first chapter of Why Does Love Do This To Me? Thankyou to all reviewers, and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:I do not own any of the charcters used in the story that you recognise. They are the property of J.K.Rowling and no infringment on the copyright is intended. **

**Rating: T for language and some content.**

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**Chapter One: Honey I'm Home**

She glanced around the street. It had been four years. Four long and painful years full of sleepless nights due to nightmares that left her cold and shaking and the feeling of regret and hurt that haunted her every day. Four years since she had stepped back in Britain. Four years since her near perfect life had surprisingly come to a shuddering halt. Four years since she left James Potter.

In those four years, Lily Evans had changed, and no, I don't just mean her now straight hair. She had become a new woman. A woman she barely liked, or even knew for that matter. A woman who commanded respect, a woman that was cold, ruthless, hard, cruel, harsh and yet at the same time a woman of poise, elegance, gracefulness, intelligence and especially a woman of breathtaking beauty.

And why had she changed? Well that was simple. James Potter. The man that haunted her dreams, or perhaps more accurately, nightmares. The man that left her feeling furious at the mere thought of him. The man she had once loved but now hated with a passion. For James Potter was the sole reason she had changed, because he had made her scared to ever love again.

It had been four years since she had last glimpsed on James Potter and if she could help it, she wouldn't be seeing him on this short work trip to the British Ministry of Magic. It had also been four years since she had seen her friends, sure they wrote letters to each other but after a year or two, those letters became less frequent and eventually faded out altogether. So as Lily knocked on the door of her good friend Katrina's house, she was filled with a little excitement, but mainly a whole lot of nervousness.

As the door was pulled open, Lily took note of Katrina's shocked expression as she noticed who was on her doorstep and a second later was enveloped into a massive hug.

"Lily!" Katrina shrieked, obviously very happy to see her friend, "Merlin, come in come in!" Grabbing a hold of one of Lily's many bags and gesturing for Lily to enter, she gushed, "It's been four years! I've missed you so much!"

"Me too Kat," Lily replied sincerely, smiling and following her friend through to the living room where Kat dumped her bags and patted the seat on the couch next to her.

"So what brings you back to Britain?" Kat asked curiously. "I was pretty sure you'd be in New Zealand for the rest of your life."

"I will be," Lily explained, "This is just a work trip, I'll only be here a week and then it's back home."

"Oh okay," Kat said quietly, looking disappointed, "So where are you going to stay?"

"Haven't decided," Lily replied, "I figured I get a room at the Leaky Cauldron."

"No need, you're staying here and I wont take no for an answer!"

Half an hour later, the girls were involved in a very long conversation that was just starting to get interesting for Lily. They had reached the topic of James Potter. A topic which she hadn't breached in four years.

"He talks about you all the time, you know?" Kat spoke quietly, "We all reckon he still loves you."

"Kat, can we please not talk about him?" Lily asked, trying desperately not to feel upset or in fact feel _anything_ about James, "It's just that I know it's been four years and all, and I have moved on, honestly I have, but this new life, well James just isn't a part of it."

"Lily, you're going to have to face him this visit!" Kat exclaimed, "Anyway, it's not like he's still with Rosie!"

"He's not?" Lily asked incredulously, feeling tiny shreds of hope at this news. Then she mentally scolded herself for even letting herself feel such things. She hated James Potter and that was that.

"Nope, it turns out-" Kat began to explain, a slight smile appearing on her face at Lily's eagerness.

"Kat, stop please. I really don't need to know. It isn't going to change anything," Lily said firmly, trying not to let any her emotions show. "So, what are you up to these days?" Lily asked trying to lighten the mood.

"Well actually, I'm an Auror. I know that doesn't sound like me and all, but with Voldemort and everything, I well-"

"That's great Kat!" Lily exclaimed, glad she wouldn't be alone on his visit, "I'm actually here to work with the British Aurors for a week!"

Kat paused, her expression hard to read, she swallowed slowly biding her time, "Uh fantastic! We'll get to spend more time together then."

Lily however, took no notice of Kat's odd behaviour and instead, smiled at her, taking a sip of her tea.

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When Sirius Black entered his girlfriend's house, he wasn't in the best of moods. He had just come from a drink with James and Remus at The Leaky Cauldron. Typically it had gone as it usually did, with James talking about Lily less than five minutes into their first glass of Firewhisky. Then the next hour had consisted of, 'I wonder how Lily's going now?' and 'Do you think she still thinks about me? Because I think about her a lot you know?' And finally ended with James looking forlorn and somewhat drunk leaving Remus or Sirius to help him home.

So as Sirius walked into the lounge, looking forward to greeting his girlfriend properly and instead found Lily Evans sitting on the couch with Kat, he wasn't exactly over the moon.

"Hi Kat," Sirius said cheerfully before his voice changed to one of coldness when he said, "Evans."

"Black," Lily replied in a similar manner. Over the last four years she had kept in contact with most of her friends, Sirius Black not included as he preferred to side with James out of long time friendship with him.

"Merlin Evans, I haven't seen you in what, four years. Oh yeah that's right, the last time I saw you, you were too busy breaking James' nose," Sirius said snidely, ignoring the warning looks that Kat was sending him.

"I can break yours too if you like Black," Lily said back coolly, a slight smirk on her face. "I think I'll call it a night Kat," Lily continued, rising from her seat and moving towards the door leading to the hallway.

"Oh no you don't," Sirius said rather rudely, grabbing a hold of Lily's arm and pushing her back down on the seat, "Not until you tell me why you're here."

"What's up with the third degree Black?" Lily asked somewhat curiously.

"One word; James. He's spent four years pining after you and I don't want you coming back into his life and then leaving again with us to pick up the pieces!" Sirius ranted, "Do you have any idea how much you hurt him Evans? Do you have any idea about how long it's taken-"

"Okay Black, you listen, I am not here to see Potter. Nor do I intend to see him either! This trip is purely a business one. I'm spending one week with the British Auror Department before going back to New Zealand and that's that. Besides, even if I did want to go and see Potter, it's none of your business. Oh and by the way, while you were busy ranting about how much James was hurt; did you ever think to consider how I felt?" Lily stood and paused when she was at the doorway to say a goodnight to Kat before heading into her room and slamming the door.

"Did she just say British Auror Department?" Sirius asked in disbelief.

"Yes," Kat replied grimly.

"So that means that-?"

"Yes," Kat continued in the same tone.

"But then she'll have to-"

"I know."

"Does she know?" Sirius asked quietly.

"No," was the reply that came in a rather subdued voice from Kat.

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Lily was a person who followed routines obsessively. They, in a way helped her survive. Sounds strange, I know. But think about it this way, you've just had your heart ripped to shreds and all you do is think about it and you have to find some way to distract yourself. So what do you do? Create routines to keep you busy and follow each and every one obsessively.

So as Lily's alarm clock rang at precisely 6:30 a.m. on Monday morning, Lily was out of bed and in the shower (sticking to her 8 minute showering time) in a flash. Within 3 quarters an hour Lily had showered, dressed in her impeccably straight and without a crease of single particle of dust black robes, had applied her make up and clipped back her poker straight hair and was ready to go at 7:15 sharp before Kat and Sirius had even poked their heads outs of their bedroom.

Without further ado, Lily had grabbed her work bag, slipped on her heels and had Apparated to the Ministry for her first day of what would undoubtedly be a week of hard work.

Lily's shoes made a satisfying 'click click' as she walked briskly down the Atrium of the Ministry of Magic and towards the Minister's office. As she walked, people (mainly those of the opposite sex) stopped and watched her walk past. To those staring, Lily Evans was the epitome of perfection, of poise. Lily herself knew this too well, and quite frankly enjoyed the expressions of longing that were sent in her direction every now and then.

"Right this way Miss Evans," Charlotte Kerr the secretary to the Minister for Magic said as she led Lily towards a door. Knocking politely and waiting for permission from the Minister, Charlotte opened the door and Lily stepped in the room.

"Good morning Miss Evans," Harrison Newbern British Minister for Magic said amiably indicating for Lily to sit down in one of the push chairs on the other side of his table in preparation for their breakfast they would be having together. "I trust the journey here was fine?"

"Of course Minister," Lily said smiling accepting the cup of coffee Newbern had held out for her. "That is if you don't mind Apparating through five different countries to get here. Not to mention being held up in security in France!"

The Minister chuckled slightly at her remark before continuing; "Now I understand that you're here to complete the annual Auror report for the IMOM?"

"Yes, I shouldn't be more than a week. I just need to have a look at some statistics from the department, compile a report and look at the budget for next year."

"Then back to New Zealand I presume?" Newbern inquired.

"Yes, back home," Lily said fondly.

"Miss Evans, do you enjoy your job?" the Minister asked his tone difficult to read.

"Of course," Lily replied wondering what was going on.

"You see, I'd like to offer you a job Miss Evans. Head Auror here at the Ministry."

Lily took a big bite of the crumpet she had in her hand to give her a bit of time to figure how to word what she wanted to say. When she finally was ready, she began, "I'm sorry Minister," Lily said sincerely, "As challenging and enjoyable as I'm sure it would be I have to decline. My life in New Zealand now."

"Come now Miss Evans, England is your home. You'd be closer to family and friends, not to mention you'd be one of the highest ranked people at this Ministry."

"And what of the current Head Auror?" Lily asked, just the slightest bit interested.

"He'll be demoted, to your deputy," Newbern continued, "All though he is good, here at the Ministry we require the best of the best. And only you possess the skills, the prestige, the power-"

"Flattery Minister," Lily said truthfully and somewhat boldly, "Will get you nowhere."

"Perhaps the seven digit salary will, Miss Evans?" Newbern asked, smiling.

"Perhaps it well," Lily said nonchalantly, "I should like to have a look at the department. I'll let you know of my decision at the end of my stay. If that's all?" Lily asked, standing.

Newbern nodded, "Do consider the offer Miss Evans."

Lily smiled, and left the office. As she walked back to the Atrium the only thought on her mind was wether moving back to England would be such a good idea. Harrison Newbern had mentioned an important point, as much as her life was in New Zealand now, all her friends and her family lived in England. It wouldn't be so bad to move back, there was the problem of James Potter, but it wasn't like Lily would have to see him all the time.

* * *

Rachel Mason, a youngish woman with mousy brown hair, oversized glasses and what had to be the worst figure Lily had ever seen, had been assigned as Lily's assistant for her stay at the Ministry. As Lily walked briskly down the corridor, Rachel (who was trying and struggling to keep up) briefed Lily on the Auror Department.

"The department contains over 80 Aurors. Their training school turns out, on average, 30 Aurors a year out of 80 applicants. The standards are very high. The report from the IMOM of last year states that they managed over 178 cases, and put 34 wizards in Azkaban, leaving in second place in the world behind your department Miss Evans."

"Thank you Rachel," Lily said kindly, "Now could you tell me about the Head Auror?"

"Let's see," Rachel said, pushing her glasses up her nose and rifling through her papers, "The Head Auror is chosen by a selection of past Aurors. Candidates put forward applications and a rigorous amount of testing takes place. Should the selectors be unable to find a suitable Head, one of themselves will step in to run the department until they find an Auror they are satisfied with. However, the Minister has the power to overrule any decision and promote or demote any Auror. So far, the current Head has held the position for 2 years."

The somewhat tarnished silver plaque on the door, told Lily she had reached her destination; Auror Department of the British Ministry of Magic. Now Lily was a person who didn't believe in sugar coating things, there was no need and she like to tell things like they were. She definitely wasn't prepared to take any rubbish from anyone. So, taking a deep breath and preparing herself for what she would find inside, Lily threw open the door, smiling when it made a resounding thud on the wall. Let's just say she wasn't a person of politeness.

Lily stared incredulously around the room. It could not possibly be an Auror Department. It just couldn't. Papers lay scattered all over the floor, along with empty coffee cups, paper lunch bags, and owl droppings. In Lily's opinion any other word, even rubbish dump, would be a better description. With an air of confidence that Lily pulled off oh so well, she stepped into the room, knowing that she had the attention of the Aurors.

Turning to Rachel, whose eyes were wide with shock behind her glasses, Lily said quite cordially as if nothing had happened, "Do continue!"

"Where was I? Ah yes the Auror Department has been headed by the same man for a total of three years. He was found satisfactory quite early on in the selection process and is said to be one of the best, if not the best Aurors in the country. Or perhaps, some say, even the world."

Lily continued walking forward, not bothering to dodge the papers that lay on the floor. The other Aurors around the room stared at her, obviously still in shock. Lily smiled to herself; they had no idea what was coming. She was in charge, and boy, were they going to see it soon enough.

"The Auror department is headed by…" Rachel said, but Lily was unable to catch the rest of the sentence as a loud voice had interrupted her.

"Exactly what is the meaning of this?" the voice asked coming from the hallway above the main room.

Lily stood their petulantly, waiting to see just who the Head Auror was. She could not wait to see who tried run this department.

"I was hoping you could tell me," Lily said coolly as she heard footsteps approaching.

"Well I daresay-" the voice broke off as the Head Auror saw just who he was talking to.

Rachel cleared her throat importantly, "The Head Auror is James Potter."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the cliffy there! Next chapter is in progress and should be up in roughly a week again. Thankyou's go out to Kristin, Firewalker32, Light-Dark8562,** **AceZ-Shadow, zuska1985, SpikesDreamer, becks, riduculouslyriddikulus, aChocoholic, and lilian. Please review, it makes me updat faster :D**

**Bye for now,**

**ZabinisGirl**


	4. Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday

**A/N: Okay here's the fourth installment of Why Does Love Do This To Me? Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: The characters in this story are property of J.K.Rowling and no infringement on the copyright is intended.**

* * *

**Chapter Two: Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday**

Sometimes, silence can be comfortable. Most the time, it's not. And the silence that surrounded the Aurors, and primarily Lily and James was definitely the latter. It seemed that both were at quite a loss for words. But in seeing that the last time they met one had confessed his undying love for the other, and as a response the other had punched him in the nose, it was quite understandable.

Lily couldn't quite believe what she was seeing. Firstly, James Potter as Head Auror? The words don't even belong in the same sentence! And secondly why hadn't Kat, or even Sirius for that matter, said anything? Just as Lily was about to do something rather drastic (like break James' nose again), she was shaken from her thoughts, when she distinctly heard James say her name ever so softly.

Her face hardened immediately, her confused look vanishing. She was here to do her job and she wasn't going to let James' leftover feelings for her interrupt! Lily eyed him suspiciously as James took a step towards her. She stood her ground, not allowing him to intimidate her, although she felt quite queasy being in his present.

"James Potter," Lily said icily, "This is your department? I should have known, only someone like you would have a department running like this," Lily finished gesturing to the papers, coffee cups and owl droppings that lay everywhere.

James nice attitude seemed disappear almost at once at Lily's words. The look of perhaps adoring and longing that had adorned his face was replaced by anger, and that oh so famous cocky grin. He breathed out slowly, biding his time before saying rudely, "And pray tell Lily dearest, what the fuck are you doing here?"

The surrounding Aurors laughed at their boss' well known lack of eloquence. Even Lily herself chuckled before saying almost casually, "Oh charming Potter, you really make it hard for me to hate you."

That got rid of the look on his face! "Uh sorry, that was uncalled for," James said, finding sudden interest with his shoes. "But what are you doing here?" he questioned more reasonably.

"I'm here to complete the IMOM report. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Lily Evans, Head Auror at the International Ministry of Magic," Lily stated matter-of-factly turning to look at all the Aurors.

"Oh we weren't expecting you for another week," James said apologetically, "You're early."

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, "I'm never early," Lily said curtly, "I arrive precisely when I mean to."

James paused, unsure of what to say. Lily however, took the opportunity to start bossing him around. "I suppose you do have an office ready for me?"

"Uh, I'll make mine available to you," James said quickly.

"Thank you. I should like to see all the Junior Aurors this afternoon in my office. All other Aurors will be required to hand in their personal profiles by the end of the day," Lily said, looking around the room.

"My staff have work to do," James said importantly, "I'm afraid all of this formality will have to wait."

"I'm afraid it can't," Lily commanded, in a voice of authority. "Now, if you'll show me to your office? Come now Rachel."

James turned on his heel, and walked or more accurately stomped down the hall, Lily following him gracefully and not bothering to talk. As they neared what evidently was James' office, he threw open the door and gestured for Lily to enter.

Mock bowing, James sneered, "Is the room up to your majesty's standards?"

Lily looked at him before replying normally, "Well I suppose it'll do. You can go now," she added as an afterthought.

"What are you doing Lily?" James asked almost wearily.

"My job," was the short reply he got.

"Since when was your job hating me?" James persisted.

"It always has been."

"Can't you just forgive me Lily?" he pleaded looking her straight in the eye.

Lily averted James' stare and turned to look at the papers in her hand. Pausing briefly, she continued, "Look Potter, we were over four years ago and I've moved on with my life. A life that you're not a part of."

And there was that uncomfortable silence making yet again, another unwanted entrance. James gazed intently at Lily while Lily gazed intently at the statistics for personnel leave breaks in her hands. Not exactly ideal. Nor was it ideal when James shook his head and walked from the room, slamming the door behind him.

"And here I was trying to be nice," Lily said softly to no one in particular before taking a seat behind the desk and pulling out her quill and parchment.

* * *

"Minister," Lily said evenly as she surveyed Newbern, "I know I said I would wait till my job here is finished, but I must tell you now. I accept your offer." 

"You'll become Head Auror here Lily?" Newbern asked surprised.

"Yes. I do have one condition though; I have an Auror whom I'd like to be transferred here."

"Done!" Newbern exclaimed, "What made you change your mind Miss Evans? Discovered the charm of the British Auror Department?"

"Quite the opposite actually," Lily commented, "I saw the state of the department and well it's obvious you need help. I can cut down the over expenditures that the department is causing without losing any Aurors."

"That's good news to me Miss Evans. Will you be starting in the new year?" Newbern asked.

"Certainly Minister, although you must talk to James Potter soon," Lily said, remembering that he would be demoted.

"He'll be quite disappointed, understandably," Newbern commented. "He has been a great Head Auror."

"I'm sure," Lily said neutrally, not belaying any real feelings for James Potter, not that she felt any, apart from hatred of course. "Now I can process a relocation form for the certain Auror in question if that's okay. Do you have a contract drawn up for me?"

"Here you go," Newbern said handing Lily a roll of parchment after filing through the papers on his desk. "You'll need to get it in by the end of the week."

"It'll be on your desk first thing in the morning," Lily finished smiling. Standing up, she nodded to Newbern, and saying a thank you, left the office.

* * *

It was days like these that made Lily really question why she was Head Auror at the IMOM. As if her delightful reunion with James Potter wasn't enough, she was now knees deep in Junior Auror Interviews. Part of her job was to try and recruit new Aurors for the IMOM. Of course, these places were limited so Lily had to ensure she had the best possible Aurors for the job. Not an easy task. Not to mention that her mind was on much more important issues, like for example, why James still hadn't bothered to fix his hair. Okay, so maybe not so important. 

Taking another large gulp of her strong black coffee (a caffeine fix was definitely what she needed) Lily surveyed yet another Junior Auror. Arching an eyebrow, Lily asked appraisingly, "And you are?"

"Laurie Elliot," she replied quietly, handing over her file.

Lily flicked through Laurie's file noticing that not only had she graduated with top grades in the Auror Training School, but she had also completed training to become a hit-wizard as well as basic healing courses.

"So Miss Elliot, now that you've graduated, what are your intentions for the next few years?" Lily said, asking the standard question. Next to her, Rachel sat with a quill poised over her parchment ready to begin taking notes.

"Well I suppose," Laurie began in her same quiet voice, "I'll just stay here in Britain working for the Auror Department."

"But Miss Elliot, you graduated top of the ATS, you have completed required training to be hit-wizard, you've taken basic healing courses! Surely, you must have other ideas for what you'd like to do for the future?"

"I'd just love to stay here Miss Evans," Laurie persisted.

"Okay, very well Miss Elliot. I'm going to cut this interview short and instead ask you to meet me for drinks tonight so we can further discuss this. How's 8:00 at the Leaky Cauldron?"

"Fine," Laurie still continued quietly, "I'll see you then Miss Evans."

As Laurie stood and left the room, Lily couldn't help but notice their similarities. Red hair, green eyes, same initials as well as graduating top of Auror Training Schools. It seemed that Laurie could easily be Lily's younger sister. But she wasn't, so taking another gulp of her coffee; Lily called in the next Junior Auror to be interviewed and prepared herself for another hour of boredom and extreme frustration.

* * *

At 6:30 that evening, sticking to her routine, Lily breezed out of the Auror Department after her first day on the job. Apparating straight back to Kat's, Lily steeled herself for confrontation. She had quite a few shall we say 'interesting' things to say to Kat. 

Finding Kat seated in the lounge, flicking through the Daily Prophet, Lily began her rant, "Hello Kat," she started evenly. "Got something you want to tell me? Ooh like, I don't know, James Potter is Head Auror, maybe?"

"Lily, I know I should have told you-"

"Damn right Kat! Do you know what it was like for me to just walk into the Auror Department, full of the joys of spring, and then, who do I see? James Potter of course! And thanks to my best friend, I had no fucking idea he was going to be there!"

"Okay Lily, why don't you just calm down a bit and stop screaming!" Kat herself screamed at Lily.

"Calm down?" Lily exploded, "You want me to calm down? I have to work with my ex-Fiancé who just happened to impregnate my best friend whilst engaged to me, and you're asking me to calm down?"

"Why is this such a big deal?" Kat asked diplomatically. "You and James broke up four years ago. You were telling me just the other day that you had moved on. Lily, is something going on that I don't know about?" Kat finished in a kind voice.

"No," Lily finally conceded in a much more reasonable tone, "It's just that seeing him again made me feel how I felt when I found out about Rosie and him. And I remembered all the bad things that had happened. I mean, I am over him; I don't want to be with him. I don't even like him. But-"

"Oh come here Lils," Kat said as she pulled Lily into a hug while Lily discreetly tried to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this you know," Lily commented dryly, "I wasn't even supposed to see him."

"You know you'll be alright Lily. It was just a little shock to the system," Kat said comfortingly.

"Just seeing him Kat, it made me remember what I've spent four years trying to forget," Lily said slowly as she pulled away from Kat now that her eyes were free of tears.

* * *

It was strange and well slightly discouraging for to think that out of the thirty Junior Aurors that the British ATS put out every year, Lily could only find three that were good enough for the IMOM Auror Department. 

Laurie Elliot, Greg Pritchard, and Byron Cook sat before Lily at the Leaky Cauldron, sipping their Firewhiskies (Butterbeer in Laurie's case) and exchanging small talk before Lily started her talking.

Taking opportunity of the pause in conversation, Lily began, "Part of my job as Head Auror at the IMOM is to recruit suitable Junior Aurors for our own Auror Department. Now I think that the three of you have potential to work at the IMOM and tonight, I'd like to offer all of you jobs there."

Lily turned to look from Laurie to Greg to Byron all of whom looked rather in shock. Lily herself had been much in an alike position when she was offered a place at the Auror Training School at the IMOM. Lily frowned slightly as she remembered what it had been like when she was offered her place, and how easy it had been to turn it down all because of one man. She hoped the others wouldn't make the same mistake that she had those four years ago.

"Well?" she inquired, "What do you say? In case you're wondering the IMOM will provide housing for you in New Zealand, you'll be given longer holidays than you get here, a much higher salary and the chance of promotion to a Senior Auror in your first year."

Byron was first to speak, when he said excitedly, "When do we start?"

"Excellent," Lily replied, "I have a contract here and if you could take it home and read over, and bring it back to me sometime in the next week, you'll be able to relocate to New Zealand in time for the beginning of next year. What about you Greg?"

"I with Byron," Greg said in a similar voice.

"Well then here you are," Lily said amicably as handed over a contract to Greg too, "Again if you could bring that back to me sometime in the next week. The two of you can go."

As Greg and Byron left the pub, Lily carefully studied Laurie's face. She didn't exactly look excited. In fact, if anything, she didn't at all look even interested in the job offer.

"Laurie?" Lily questioned, unsure she would get the answer she wanted.

"I'm sorry Miss Evans, but I can't," Laurie explained, "England is where all my friends are and I couldn't bear to leave them."

"By friends, you mean boyfriend, don't you Laurie?" Lily asked sharply and Laurie's hesitation in replying was a good enough answer for Lily. "Laurie, you can't let men dictate your life. This opportunity is a once in a lifetime chance and you honestly just can't let it go because of one man."

"What does it matter to you Miss Evans if I turn this job down?" Laurie asked shyly. "Surely there are many other Aurors suitable for this job. Why are you so concerned about me?"

"Because Laurie, I was like you when I was younger. And I don't just mean physically. I had the potential to go far and I turned down a very promising job. Which thankfully I did get another shot at. But the point being that I made many mistakes when I was younger because of one man and at the time it made perfect sense. But now, looking back, I really do wish I could change what I did. And now I'm asking you, not to make the same mistakes I did."

"Miss Evans, I can't," Laurie reiterated.

"Okay," Lily said slowly, "Here's the contract. I want to have a look at this while I go and get another drink. Please Laurie just think it over."

Approaching the bar, Lily requested another glass of Firewhisky and sat on one of the stools and watched Laurie as she waited for her drink. It was then, that she noticed three men walk into the pub. Looking carefully, Lily noticed that it was none other that James Potter and his two sidekicks, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. Just her luck.

Now watching the trio even more closely, Lily's face contorted in anger as they made their way towards Laurie. Barely looking, Lily took the proffered glass of Firewhisky and made her way towards the table. Suddenly there was a smash. The glass Lily had been holding had broken from the tight grip she had held in all because of James Potter.

Oh and the fact that he was kissing Laurie Elliot.

On the lips.

Very passionately.

And yes, she was kissing him back.

* * *

**A/N: Okay sorry for the cliffie on chapter one. It was kinda evil. Or maybe really really evil. Anyway, I hope you liked chapter 2. Thankyous go out to iluvsinging333, zuska1985, little angel, tropicalpunch9812, ridiculouslyriddikulus, becks, Emmy, firewalker32, Seek, jazmaniandevil, aChocoholic, SpikesDreamer and Soft N' Fluffy (I hope you're going to survive this one too!). Please let me know what you think! Oh and by the way, the next chapter might be a little while longer as I've got to do prep for school which is starting soon :(**


	5. I'm A Bitch

**A/N:SoI realised I haven't updated in months, like five of them. But since the last chapter, I've started school and all the exams and copious amounts of homework are getting to me. I haven't even looked at this story for a few months. Anyway, I am starting to write again and I've got another chapter almost ready to go. So I appologise for taking ages to get this out and hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I'm not JK Rowling**

* * *

**Chapter Three: I'm A Bitch**

Lily had always been one to act rather rashly. In fact, any one of her friends could tell you it was her hallmark trait. Whether it be to punch someone, run away or do something she would generally greatly regret in the future, Lily did it. And now as she watched James and Laurie locked at the lips, she was determined not to do it, if anything just to show James she had changed.

She cast a quick healing charm on her hand and disposed of the broken glass, and then Lily walked, head held high and full of determination, towards James and Laurie. Sitting nonchalantly on her bar stool, she drummed her fingers on the table impatiently, an utterly bored look on her face. Surely they couldn't go on kissing forever? But apparently, they could and were more than willing to. Are you going to come up for air? Lily wanted to ask - either that or fuck off! But remembering her pledge to not be rash, she let a too well known icy façade slip over her, and heard herself clear her throat impatiently.

James and Laurie finally did have to come up for air, wether or not they heard her clear her throat Lily did not know. But she did notice the look of surprise that James wore when he realised she had seen everything, before of course; it was replaced by a look of complete haughtiness. Sirius looked as though he was about to watch the Quidditch World Cup Final, his excitement for a legendary James and Lily argument was plain for all to see. Remus however, if anything, looked like he was watching a tennis match as his eyes moved apprehensively from Lily to James and back to Lily and so on. And Laurie, if anything she looked reserved, afraid to interfere.

James searched Lily's face for a reaction. They both knew that he wanted to see Lily make a fool of herself and completely overreact. Unfortunately for James, Lily wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had indeed got to her. Considering that Lily hadn't seen long time friend Remus, in what had to be years, she ignored the presence of James and turned to Remus, greeting him amicably.

This only seemed to irritate James further and this time when Lily looked back at him, she got the satisfaction of knowing _she_ had got to him. James was almost glaring when she opened her mouth to speak. And when she did actually speak, the glare James demonstrated was clearly none to friendly.

"If you'll excuse us," Lily said plainly, "We're in the middle of a business meeting."

But no, James still hadn't learnt the art of subtly and he had to get another dig in the conversation. "Oh," he began in a falsely surprised voice, "I was just saying hello to my _girlfriend_." And he had to place emphasis on the last word of his sentence, as if it were highly significant.

Lily of course, brushed it aside and said pointedly, "And now that you have said hello, you can leave."

Realising that indeed the conversation was over, regardless of whether or not he wanted it to be, James left the table, heading towards the bar, Remus and Sirius following quietly conferring about the turn of events.

"So Laurie," Lily asked moving back on topic partly because she couldn't bear to go on about James, "Have you come to a decision?"

"I'm sorry Miss Evans," Laurie said apologetically looking at the table, "I can't take the job."

"Very well," Lily said formally, "Let me know if you change your mind," and gathering her papers, Lily left the pub without so much as a goodbye.

XXX

Pretending that you're calm and serene, when really you're irrational and angry never was much fun for Lily (it had become a well acquired skill learnt only after desperately trying to hide her complete and utter devastation because James). And Lily had always found that she needed to take her anger out afterwards, and fast. This is how she had come to one of her favourite pastimes, boxing. It wasn't like she was in the ring every other day, but whenever she had the opportunity; she could be seen in the gym with a punch bag nearby releasing all her stresses.

But now, as Lily apparated back to her makeshift home, she realised she had no punch bag and all that pent up anger had to be released. So instead, Lily kicked open the door, enjoying the loud bang it made against the wall and opened her mouth shouting, "I hate James Potter!" And as if nothing had happened, Lily sat down comfortably on the couch, calling out, "Would you like a cup of coffee Kat?"

Kat who had watched the scene from when she had heard the door bang loudly against the wall looked at Lily as if she couldn't believe her eyes, smiled amusedly and said, "Only if you tell me what's got you so worked up."

Taking her time, Lily was sure to recount the events that had transpired previously at the Leaky Cauldron. She was especially careful to leave out none of the sordid details that of course seemed to revolve around James Potter and by the time she was finished (a good 20 minutes later), she was even angrier than she had been before she had begun her tirade.

Suddenly jumping up, and scaring Kat, Lily proclaimed, "That's it! I've had enough. I'm going to give him a piece of my mind."

And in an amazingly quick time, Lily had disappeared with a pop! rendering Kat's 'I don't think that's such a good idea' line useless.

* * *

The Leaky Cauldron was substantially more crowded by the time Lily returned. With the added patrons and the copious amounts of smoke in the air, it was quite a while before Lily discovered James. Huddled around a small table he sat, talking to Remus and Sirius in between his words, she noticed he threw back Firewhisky from a bottle that never left his hand.

Approaching the table, her face grim, Lily tapped James on the shoulder, not bothering with politeness when she blatantly spoke, "I want a word with you."

James turned to face Lily, a defiant look on his face. "What's the problem now Lily?" he asked wearily, as if she were an immature child that he always had to put up with.

"I want you to grow up," Lily said stated simply, yet the look on her face as she eyeballed James suggested much more seriousness.

"Well I'm sorry," James said brusquely, "But I'm done taking orders from you." As if their conversation was over, James turned back to his friends and continued on drinking his Firewhisky. Lily was, not surprisingly, less than impressed.

"Don't turn away from me!" she spoke angrily an edge to her voice. She grabbed James' shoulder and turned him back to face her. "I am not finished."

"What a pity. I am," James continued in the same voice as if Lily were a mere annoyance that just had to be tolerated.

"I've just about had enough of you. You're just-" Lily broke out loosing what remained of her composure.

"Look Lily, I don't really give a shit what you think," was James' reply.

"You have no idea how hard this is for me do you?" Lily finally asked as James stood up and took a step towards her.

Suddenly, his face was barely millimetres from hers.

If Lily were to incline her head every so slightly, they'd be kissing.

She could feel his breath on her face and it reminded her of the times they had spent together before everything had come between them.

Her body stiffened as she leaned forward just a fraction.

It felt as if everyone else wasn't there. And it was just James and Lily all over again. But it wasn't.

James leaned forward towards Lily, but instead of kissing her, her whispered mockingly in her ear, "It's alright, you can calm down, Laurie's just about all I can handle these days."

Anti climax, much.

And with that, James sat back down, a rather satisfied look on his face. He knew he had won this round.

Angry with James, but mainly herself for not seeing through his ploy, Lily glared at James shouting, "Do us all a favour Potter and grow up!"

And collecting what remained of her dignity, Lily left the Leaky Cauldron for the second that time that night, barely able to control her anger with the rude and completely inconsiderate James Potter!

* * *

Ever since that night at the Leaky Cauldron, Lily and James had been operating on an ignore and pretend not to notice basis. They didn't talk to each other, didn't go where they suspected they might see the other – excepting work of course – they didn't even look at each other. Lily left a room when James entered, and James always managed to get some Auror friend of his to ask her a question on his behalf leaving before Lily could give a reply, leaving her to somehow find James and give him the answer.

In fact, it seemed that he had all the Aurors behind him. It was like they all shared a big secret that Lily wasn't included in, or they had some inside joke she 'wouldn't understand'. The joke obviously was on her. It wasn't that this bothered Lily in the slightest; she didn't need the pathetic support of her colleagues to feel good about herself – that was more of James' inclination. But despite all of that, Lily was still privately fuming about James. Thankfully for the rest of the human race, in particular James, she had discovered the gym allocated to Aurors. A gym that had a more than accommodating punch bag.

It was perhaps because of all of this that confrontation was the inevitable; the inevitable, the unwanted and the dreaded that is. Neither Lily or James wanted anything to do with each other, but they both had so much they wanted to tell (scream) to the other that the idea of confrontation was almost tolerable. And seeing as it was the inevitable, it had to happen sometime.

That time came late on Lily's last day at the Ministry, before she would return to New Zealand, to spend her Christmas break before coming back to England for her new job. The two Aurors sat alone at opposite ends of table, in silence, in what was supposed to be a discussion about the use of invisibility cloaks in the department.

"We need to sort this out," James said suddenly, speaking exactly what was on Lily's mind. She nodded in agreement, putting down the quill she was holding, and running her hand agitatedly through her hair.

"Well, you first," James began, inclining his head towards Lily.

"Always the gentleman," she replied sarcastically.

"You see that is why it isn't working!" he accused. "You always make-"

"Oh and suddenly this is my entire fault!" Lily exclaimed angrily, "This isn't about me Potter! If anything, it's about you!"

"About me? You've got to be kidding!"

"What? You're obviously struggling to cope with my presence in your life. I can understand, I mean it must be hard with all those feelings you have for me-"

"Well yes Lily," he agreed, and a smile crossed Lily's face until he finished his sentence, "It's hard to work with someone when you loathe them unconditionally!"

"Loathe me?" she asked incredulously, "What have I ever done to you? You were the one that ruined everything! I didn't do a single thing! That's what this is about isn't it? You can't deal with me here. You still aren't over me."

"You aren't over me!"

"Excuse me? Not over you? Potter, I've been over you for years now."

"Really? Then why are you calling me Potter? My name is James. J-A-M-E-S."

"It's impersonal, and I never intend to be personal or polite to you ever again."

"Why? Because you hate me?"

"As a matter of fact, yes I do."

"So you still have feelings about me!"

"What? How do you get feelings about me from hate?"

"The opposite of love is indifference. You hate me which means you feel something about me!" he shouted triumphantly.

"Wether I do or not, it doesn't matter. I'm leaving tomorrow morning and I'll be out of your life finally. The emotional stress is getting to me. Your renewed presence in my life is more than disturbing," Lily bit out coldly, her face a mask of unfriendliness.

Then, that silence made another appearance. Lily looked James in the eye, daring him to say something incorrigible back. A dare he almost took. But instead, he broke eye contact, heaved a great sigh and continued in a weary voice, "I don't get it Lily, I've said I'm sorry, I can't do anything else. I just want your forgiveness. I don't want to date you anymore, hell I don't even want to be your friend, I just want you to forgive me."

"Only you could try to be polite and insult in the same sentence!" Lily exploded. "Of course you don't want to date me or even be my friend! God, I'm that repulsive! But you do want my forgiveness! Why? Does it help you sleep at night knowing your slate is clean? Do you want the satisfaction of knowing that pathetic Lily still desperately likes you enough to say sorry after everything you did to her? Is this some mind game you're trying to win?"

"No! Lily, I just want you to forgive me! I'd love to be friend again, or more, but it's too much to ask isn't it? I know that. I didn't want to sound rude or obtrusive by saying we should be friends again. I was trying to be polite."

"Of course you were," came her sardonic reply.

"So can you forgive me? Is it too much to ask?"

"Do you want the truth, Potter, the absolute truth?"

"Lily, I've only ever wanted the truth from you."

"Fine. Yes, it is too much to ask. You can't begin to comprehend what I've been through and if you did, you'd realise that everything you did to me, is unforgivable."

"And that's your final answer?"

"What do you think?"

"I think I shouldn't have punched Sirius when he called you and unfeeling bitch. He was right."

Lily felt as if she'd been slapped. She looked him in the eye again, trying to gauge if he had really meant what he had said. And after seeing the coldness of his eyes, there was no question in her mind that he had. It was strange to Lily, usually she held all the power in arguments; she was always in the lead, one step ahead so to speak. This time she wasn't. But, she was an esteemed woman and she knew how to get back in control with a few choice words and dramatic actions.

So ascending from her chair gracefully, she turned to her face to James' a look that was hard to read in her eyes, she smiled wryly, "So I guess that's it then." It wasn't a question. She gave James one last look at her face before turning and walking away. Her shoes made a satisfying click on the floor. She knew it would be only a matter of seconds now. She counted slowly, one, two, thr-

"Lily!" she heard him call out desperately. "Lily wait that came out wrong! I didn't mean it!"

Lily heaved a sigh. Sometimes being at the top was just too good to be true. And continuing on, Lily walked away from James Potter yet again, knowing that she had won and hell, it felt great.

* * *

It was with happiness that Lily left England the following day. Perhaps it was the knowledge that she would be returning shortly that didn't make her upset in the slightest. Although, she knew that once back in New Zealand, she'd have to repeat the process of saying goodbye to close friends and it wasn't something she liked doing. But at present, Lily's mind was not on planning her move back to England and saying goodbye to friends, more on convincing someone to come with her.

The warm climate overwhelmed her as she stepped out of one of the Apparation Centres in Wellington, New Zealand. Shrugging off her cloak, she made her way down the road, taking a few moments to 'smell the flowers' as it were. Stopping outside a fairly modest white house, with a white picket fence, Lily took a deep breath and taking the plunge, opened the gate and headed towards the door. Her hand was on the doorknob when the door was flung open and Lily was bought face to face with a tall man with blonde hair and blue eyes.

"Nick!" Lily exclaimed happily as she her boyfriend of almost two years held her close in a tight hug.

"I've missed you," he said softly in her ear.

"It's only been week," Lily protested although she too had sorely missed the presence of Nick in her life.

He took her hand and led her into the lounge where she plopped down onto a sofa. "I'm exhausted," Lily spoke wearily, "Apparation isn't all that fun."

"I'll bet," he replied, "Can I get you a drink?"

"Tea would be nice," Lily admitted smiling.

"Good, and then you can tell me all about England. I can tell you're dying to tell me something!"

Lily and Nick were in the middle of what was turning out to be a very long and at times interesting conversation. Lily was trying, without much success, to tell Nick of her plans to move back to England. It just didn't seem appropriate for her to suddenly announce she was moving half way across the world and by the way, would he like to come. You just didn't say that in the middle of a conversation that was currently focused on gardening.

"Lily, Lily?" Nick's voice suddenly interrupted her thoughts and she realised with a jolt that she had completely ignored what he had just said.

"Yes, yes I agree," she supplied feebly.

"I just asked if you were okay," Nick supplied smiling, "I know there's something on your mind. You know you can tell me right?"

"It's not really as easy as that," she clarified, her mind struggling to find the right thing to say.

"Well it's not going to get any easier if you just keep it to yourself."

"Nick, I've been offered a job in England. Head Auror at the Ministry."

"Oh."

She took a deep breath, it was now or never. Slowly, Lily spoke, "And I accepted."

"Accepted? Already? But Lily, what about us?" Nick asked in a strained voice, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice; he was obviously hurt.

"I got you a job there too, Senior Auror!" Lily put in hoping desperately that Nick wouldn't completely overreact and say he didn't want to go.

"So, let's recap, we've been dating for two years, been friends for at least three, and then you go ahead and accept a job on the other side of the world, and accept one for me on my behalf, without consulting me?" Nick asked his tone too sharp for Lily's likings.

"You don't have to take the job," she added.

"Lily!"

"What?" she replied, now slightly annoyed and sick of Nick's dramatic routine.

"You aren't supposed to say that I shouldn't take the job, you should say that you don't have to take the job!"

"What? No I shouldn't. Besides, I've already signed the contract."

"So the past three years have meant nothing to you?"

"Of course not!" Lily exclaimed, "Nick, you know how I feel about you-"

"Yes, I do, and that's how I just know that you wouldn't do this!"

"Nick, I'm returning to England for the new year, wether you're coming or not," Lily spoke suddenly, finding her lost courage and speaking the honest truth.

"I can't believe you would do this! You honestly can't expect me to leave my friends and family behind. Lily you have to stay."

"No Nick I don't."

"What about me then? Us?" he asked desperately.

"Nick I'm leaving for England in the new year with or without you." She paused, then spoke diplomatically, "This obviously isn't going to work. I'll check myself into a hotel. Come and see me if you change your mind."

And even though walking away from men leaving them shocked and hurt was becoming more than routine for Lily, she walked from the room. Interestingly, this time she wasn't nearly as upset or angry as she had been in past occasions. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that her heart hadn't really been in the argument. Or maybe it was because the man she was walking away from just wasn't James.

* * *

**Ok, so that was Chapter Three. Next chapter will be up within this month - hopefully! Thank you to iluvsinging333, firewalker32, zuska1985, sequin,riduculouslyriddikulus, Michelle, bonnythebunny,****PAdfoOt-bABE-RaDClIffE, Divaleah and Randomisation for reviewing! All your comments are greatly appreciated! Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter, if you did, if you didn't, please let me know!**

**-ZabinisGirl**


	6. Chapter 6: Far Away

**Disclaimer: Not mine - all JK Rowlings**

**A/N: See end of Chapter for detailed author's note**

**Chapter 6: Far Away**

* * *

The faint sounds of traffic trickled into the hotel room, with the occasional honk of a car horn being heard. The world outside was completely dark, save for a few stars reflecting in the hotel windows. Lily sat alone at the coffee table, nursing a cup of steaming hot coffee in her hands, completely lost in thought.

She felt confused. Nothing had gone according to plan. New Zealand was supposed to be a relaxing vacation, a chance to forget all the problems she encountered in London, particularly James Potter. A chance to refresh and enjoy herself before coming back to work. A chance to spend time with the most important man in her life. So far, none of that had happened. Instead, her once solid and reliable relationship with Nick was all up in the air and she didn't have a clue where things stood between them anymore.

Looking for something to take her mind of her problems, Lily flicked through the channels on the television but nothing seemed to attract her attention. Frustrated she switched the television off, throwing the remote across the room. Had she really placed an unrealistic expectation on Nick? Shouldn't he be willing to make sacrifices for her? Had she simply been too impulsive in accepting the job straightaway? The questions floated in her mind, each one as unanswerable as the next. The only thing clear to Lily was that she was alone, and she didn't like it one bit.

***

"She hates me," James moaned, draining his glass of Firewhisky in one, and watching it as it magically refilled. "I've made her hate me."

Remus, at his side, nodded sympathetically, sipping his own Firewhisky, playing along to what James wanted to see.

Next to him, Sirius however, drained his own glass and cleared his throat, "Well to be fair Prongs, she hated you before the argument too. In fact she hasn't really like you in over four years, and – OW!" Sirius stopped abruptly after receiving a kick from Remus under the table. "Moony," he whined.

"But I had a chance," James continued sullenly, staring into his glass. "I had a chance to make it right and I blew it!" Hearing his own comments seemed to be making James more depressed, as he emptied his glass again.

"Look Prongs," Sirius said suddenly, sick of James pathetic state, "Evans was never going to like you again. She's such a cow that she would never listen to anything you had to say to her."

James only response was to down another glass of Firewhisky.

"Besides, you've got Laurie now, remember," Sirius continued encouragingly, "Your girlfriend. So you don't really need Evans, anyway!"

James nodded forlornly, clearly drunk, "But-"

"No," Sirius interrupted, "No buts!"

"But-"

"Just drink your Firewhisky James," Sirius replied, feeling like he was fighting a loosing battle, as Remus shot him an 'I told you so' look.

"I think I love her," James announced, as Sirius looked alarmed.

"You think you love Laurie? Well of course you do, she's your girlfriend."

"Not Laurie," James said, taking another gulp of Firewhisky, "Lily," he finished and promptly passed out.

Sirius looked from James to Remus, "Pathetic James is back," he concluded, shaking his head. "I thought we got rid of him two years ago."

"He can't help himself where she's concerned," Remus commented, as James let out a snore.

"I don't see why though," Sirius commented. "She treats him horribly; she's a real piece of work she is."

"She's my friend." Remus said quietly. "She was hurt by James, she's doing what she thinks is fair. And James, well he's incapable of being mean to her, he still feels guilty."

"For what though? I mean we've practically established the whole affair, for want of a better word, wasn't his fault and-"

"It doesn't matter Sirius," Remus said a little too harshly, a note of finality in his voice, "He will forever be like that around Lily. Just be thankful she lives on the other side of the world." He considered his friend, asleep on the table, hand grasping his glass of Firewhisky, and shook his head slowly.

***

Lily groaned on her way to the door. What kind of idiot couldn't understand the 'Do not disturb' sign she had hung on the door handle. She intended to give whoever had come to disturb her deep thought a piece of her mind.

Yanking the door open, she yelled "Hey-" but broke off when she saw Nick standing there, hands stuffed in his coat pockets, looked dejected. "Oh sorry," she apologised, disjointedly, "I thought you were the housekeeping."

"Can I come in?" he asked hesitantly as if he expected her to say no.

"Yeah, sure," she replied, gesturing him into the room. Once they were seated on the couch, she began, "Look about before-" but stopped, as Nick shook his head.

"Me first. I understand where you're coming from," he began. "England's your where your family and friends are. You miss your old life. I understand that. But I don't think you understand me. You're asking me to leave my home and I'm not entirely sure I can do that," he finished, leaving Lily even more unsure as to how they stood as a couple.

"I realise it would be a sacrifice," Lily said. "I understand it would be hard for-"

"It wasn't your decision to make alone," Nick interrupted. "You can't accept jobs on my behalf on the other side of the world!"

"I know, you're right," Lily reluctantly conceded. "I was being rash, and I shouldn't have accepted it, but I feel like I need to do this, for me. That week showed me how much I miss the way things are in England. I want to go back."

"And I want to be with you," Nick shook his head, "I guess we've all got different priorities," he said, making Lily feel guilty. "Look I didn't come to break up or to tell you I'm coming with you. What I'm saying, is that I need time. I can't make this decision right now; I need to think about it."

"Yeah, of course," Lily replied, hope bubbling inside her, "Take as long as you need."

"I do want to be with you," he reiterated, as he made his way to the door.

"Me too," Lily echoed as Nick left the hotel room, and she found herself alone again.

Lily closed her eyes, falling back onto the bed, close to happy for the first time since her return. A life in England, back home, with Nick by her side would be beyond perfect. But was it all too good to be true?

***

The next few days, leading up to Christmas dragged by with little event. Lily returned back to her work at the IMOM, where the days passed dully, with Lily holed up in her office finishing her reports. She and Nick had barely muttered 'hello' to each other, the issue of her move to England remaining unsolved between them. When they passed in the corridors, Lily just wanted to talk to him, convince him to come with her, but she knew that Nick had to make the decision for himself.

Regardless of this, Lily couldn't help but countdown the days she had left in New Zealand. Her move to London excited her, the prospect of returning home was beyond wonderful, but a little daunting. She couldn't wait to spring the news on Kat, and see all her old school friends, that she had had so little contact with in the last four years, again.

But before that, there were matters that she had to attend to first. So daydreaming about England, Lily began to pack away the personal items in her office into boxes. She paused on picture of her and Nick. It had been taken almost two years ago, they were standing under their Christmas tree, looking at each other, unaware of the photo being taken. Lily found herself smiling at the memories; her time in New Zealand had been good to her.

"I can't believe that was two years ago," Nick said, as Lily looked up surprised to find him in her office.

"Yeah," Lily replied, her heat beating faster.

"I can't believe we've been dating for three years."

Lily just nodded this time, waiting for his answer.

"And I can't believe that I would ever think about letting you go to England, alone."

Lily smiled, "Does that mean-?"

"I've always wanted to see Big Ben," Nick replied, smiling.

Lily let out a very un-Lily like squeal and launched herself into Nick's arms, as he held her tight.

"I love you," she whispered, knowing that everything, at last, would be fine.

***

Back on the same doorstep that she had stood on less than a month ago, Lily felt excitement surge inside. She had been back in London for a few days now, and her life was coming together just how she had imagined it. She and Nick were renting a 3 bedroom house, perfect for a family, both enjoying their holiday knowing they had jobs to go back to, and their relationship was a solid as ever. Lily, filled with the insatiable need to share her news, reached up and knocked on the door.

"Lily Evans," Kat said greeting her with a smile, "What in Merlin's name are you doing on my doorstep? Again." She added as an afterthought.

"I just keep popping up, don't I?" Lily replied lightly as she followed Kat into her flat. "I've actually got some good news."

Kat settled herself on the couch. "Okay, I'm ready. What is it?"

"I got a job here in London," Lily said slowly watching as the news sunk in, and Kat's expression changed. "I'm moving back!"

"Oh my god!" Kat all but screamed, jumping up to hug Lily. "That's amazing! I can't believe it!"

"It is pretty amazing," Lily commented, as they sat back down. "I mean, I'm just glad to be back home. I've missed it," she admitted. "Coming back here, spending time with you, seeing everyone again, made me realised."

"You haven't taken a job as an Auror have you?" Kat asked, barely containing her excitement. When Lily nodded slowly, Kat let out a squeal. "We'll be working together then?"

"Yep, you can't get rid of me," Lily replied, grinning.

"But what about James?" Kat asked, as the atmosphere took a sudden plunge.

"What about him?" Lily asked tersely.

"Well he will be your boss. I can't imagine you liking that!"

"James as my boss?" Lily laughed derisively at the very thought of it. "Please Kat; I'd never accept a job with conditions like that."

"But then, how-?" Kat began, confused.

"I haven't taken a job as just any Auror. I'm James' replacement. I'm the new Head Auror."

"What? You're joking right?"

Lily looked affronted. "No! Why would I be joking?"

"So you're taking James' job then?"

"No."

"But you're taking his position," Kat protested.

"The job was offered to me by the Minister," Lily said. "What's your problem Kat?"

"My problem? Lily, James is my friend, and you're stealing his job, which means everything to him!"

"Stealing his job? I am a professional, Kat, making the most of the opportunities I'm offered! I'm surprised I have to defend my decisions to you! Since when did your boyfriend's friend come before your best friend?" she asked bitingly, knowing how Kat would react.

"Don't bring Sirius into this!" Kat exclaimed predictably. "This isn't about him."

"You would side with him over me?" Lily accused.

"Lily, what you're doing to James, you have to admit, it is unfair."

"I didn't ask for the job. I was offered it and I did what anyone in my position would have done," Lily replied. "I'm surprised Kat, I thought you'd be pleased with me."

"I am Lily. But you must see where I'm coming from. Everyone will be talking about this."

"And I'll still stand by what I said. I was recruited for the job."

"Okay then," Kat said, finally seeming to accept Lily's explanation. "I'm sorry I seemed like I was siding with James. You know I'm your best friend and one your side, if you will."

"It's okay Kat," Lily replied instantly. "I wasn't particularly well behaved either. I am sorry."

"So you're back for good then?" Kat asked, as things thankfully returned to normal.

"We've even rented a house!"

"We?" Kat asked sharply.

"Me and boyfriend, Nick."

"You have a boyfriend and you didn't tell me!" Kat exclaimed. "And he moved to the other side of the world for you?"

"He's an Auror," Lily explained as she launched into a description of Nick.

"I'll have to meet him, see if he gets the best friend seal of approval. We should do dinner tonight. I'll cook, say seven?"

"Sirius?"

"Is away on Auror business!" Kat replied promptly.

"Tonight then!" Lily confirmed, smiling, knowing that Kat would love Nick.

***

Kat plonked down onto the couch, running a hand through her hair and sighing wearily. Lily and Nick had just left after a long, and to be quite frank, boring night. Kat had known Lily since she was eleven, and had been with her through just about everything. Kat knew everything there was to know about Lily, her likes, dislikes and all those teenage girl secrets. In her mind, all those years of friendship gave her some authority when it came to Lily's love life. And in her mind, as far as Lily's love life went, Nick was a very very bad choice.

Kat just couldn't understand why she had chosen Nick. He was a standard pretty mediocre kind of guy. Good looking sure, with blonde hair and blue eyes, but as far as personality was concerned, he was severely lacking. To be brutally honest, from what she had seen, she was sure that Nick really wasn't even close to being right for Lily. And, being Lily's best friend, and a romantic at heart it must be said, Kat had decided to do something about it, starting with drinks at the Leaky Cauldron tomorrow night.

***

Hearing Kat call out her name, Lily lead Nick through the smoky Leaky Cauldron, and towards the booth she was sitting at. When Nick had gone to order drinks at the bar, Kat looked at Lily carefully.

"I invited someone to join us," Kat began slowly, "I hope you don't mind."

"I cant pretend that I like Sirius, but I can tolerate him," Lily commented.

"I wasn't talking about Sirius," Kat said, looking away.

"No. You're kidding right?" Lily asked immediately, her voice low, not wanting to attract attention. "Kat you haven't, please tell me you haven't."

"James, Sirius, over here!" Kat called out, her attitude changing immediately.

Lily looked in the direction Kat was and to her utmost horror, saw James and Sirius approaching. She literally had no time to escape, or make an excuse and leave, as James slid in to the booth opposite to her.

"Hi Lily," James said, smiling. "How are you doing?"

"I was great. Then I saw you," was Lily's short reply, as she craned her neck to see Nick was coming back towards the table, levitating the drinks in front of him.

"I've got this round," James said, reaching into his pocket and handing Nick a few Galleons. "Firewhisky for me please," he requested.

Nick looking bemused, handed the gold back to James. "I'm not the waiter," he replied.

"Then who the hell are you?" James asked, his lack of eloquence getting the better of him.

"Lily's boyfriend, who the hell are you?" Nick retorted, as he slid into the booth next to Lily, and put his arm around her protectively.

"Lily's ex Fiancé.

Lily reached for the glass of Firewhisky in front of her and took a gulp; there was only one way to get through the evening, and it certainly wasn't sober.

"Of course, you to don't know each other," Kat said, jumping at the chance to introduce Nick and James. "James, this is Lily's boyfriend, Nick, and Nick this is Lily's well, ex Fiancé, James."

"Fiancé?" Nick commented. "Funny thing that, Lily never mentioned she was engaged."

"She didn't?" Kat asked, hiding a mischievous look. "Well Lily and James were definitely engaged. High school sweethearts they were."

"Oh." Nick looked far from impressed, but, not wanting to get angry with Lily in front of her friends. "How surprising."

"It was back at Hogwarts," Sirius said, joining in. "You could never get them off each other, we learnt fast to knock before entering their dormitories!" he joked.

"God," Lily moaned under her breath, reaching for her Firewhisky again.

"Hey James," Kat began, "Do you remember that time after you won the House Quidditch competition and you and Lily decided to go for a little dip in lake, naked?"

"I'm going to be needing a refill!" Lily said almost desperately, holding up her empty glass.

***

"Nick," Lily whined, "I want more Firewhisky!"

"I think you've had more than enough for the night," Nick commented dryly.

"Fine, I'll get it myself then," Lily said, but upon struggling to get up, sat promptly back down, frowning.

"I think I better get her home," Nick replied, his tone forceful as he pulled Lily to her feet, offered a short goodbye, and disapparated.

***

Lily sank down on the couch, watching Nick apprehensively as he paced in front of her. He left the room and returned a few moments later with a vial of sobering potion, which he handed to Lily without saying anything. Lily swallowed the potion and began to feel its effects immediately. Seeing that she was more sober, Nick stopped pacing and glared down at her. Lily gulped.

"Correct me if I'm wrong," he began, "But we've had the conversation on past relationships! I know I've certainly told you about my past girlfriends! I do believe you told me that you've never had a serious relationship, let alone been engaged!"

"It isn't like it seems," Lily said, struggling.

"Oh okay then," Nick responded impatiently, "That clears everything up!"

"James is just, well, he's just James. There isn't really much to tell," Lily finished wearily.

"Except that he was your first boyfriend, that you dated all the way through school and, oh yeah, you were engaged to be married!"

"Our engagement lasted four weeks Nick, and for three of those weeks I wasn't even talking to him!" Lily said, finding herself getting angry. "My relationship with him, means nothing."

"So why didn't you tell me about it?" he demanded.

"Because I don't bring up James, ever. I don't talk about him, I don't think about him. He's out of my life."

"Except that now you're his boss and you'll see him everyday!"

"I'm not in the mood for riddles Nick. What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that you were happy living in New Zealand with me, and then suddenly you want to move back to England. To a job with your ex."

Lily was too shocked to reply. She opened and closed her mouth, gob smacked, unable to say anything to Nick.

"I'm not stupid you know," Nick continued, misunderstanding her silence.

"Well you're doing a great impression of it then," Lily replied, finding her voice.

"I don't deserve this Lily! I moved here for you. I left behind my family, my friends, the country that I grew up in to be with you! And now you're with him!"

"I am not with him!" Lily yelled. "I don't want to be with him, I want to be with you."

"For now," he accused.

"What does that mean?" Lily asked seething, as she got to her feet. "What the hell does that mean Nick?"

"That he obviously still has feelings for you and for all I know, you're still in love with him!"

Lily got up and walked purposefully towards the fireplace.

"Where are you going?" Nick demanded.

"To Kat's," Lily replied shortly. "Far away from you!"

***

Lily stepped out of the fireplace at Kat's brushing soot of her, to find Kat, Sirius and James sitting on the couch listening to the WWN.

"Lily!" Kat greeted, feigning surprise. "What are you doing here without Nick? Did you two have a fight?"

"I guess you could call it that," Lily replied, her tone light.

"Oh no, how terrible. What ever caused it?"

"I think we all the know the answer to that," Lily replied. "Except for maybe Sirius, but he's always been a bit behind."

"I don't follow," Kat sad, playing dumb, while James kept his eyes focused out the window.

"Was tonight a set up Kat?" Lily asked. "Was it a set up?" she repeated when she got no answer.

"So what if it was?" Kat asked, taking Lily by surprise. "Honestly Lily what are you doing with a guy like Nick, he isn't right for you."

"A guy like Nick? You mean a reliable, honest, caring guy?" Lily said immediately coming to his defence.

"He's not your type," James chimed in, supporting Kat.

"Oh and what is my type then?" Lily asked. "You? The unreliable, cheating bastard?" Silencing James, temporarily at least, Lilt continued without waiting for any answer, "No thanks; I'd take Nick any day."

"He just doesn't seem like the guy you would want to be with," Kat continued.

"Well it's a good thing that I'm dating him and not you isn't it?" Lily replied. "I can't believe you would do this to me - try and sabotage my relationship."

"Lily-"

"You should of told me you were taking tips from James. Sabotaging relationships is his specialty."

"That's out of line Evans," Sirius said, getting involved.

"That's rich coming from you," Lily replied coolly. "If there's one thing you're good at, it's getting involved where you aren't wanted."

"Speaking of not being wanted Evans, how about you get the fuck out of my flat!" Sirius demanded roughly.

"Your flat? I was under the impression that this was Kat's flat. And seeing as it's Kat's flat, you can't tell me to leave." Lily commented, suddenly putting Kat in a very awkward place.

Both Lily and Sirius turned to look expectantly at Kat, who under the pressure from both of them, just shrugged.

James stepped in, playing the mediator, "Look guys, its getting late and I'm sure the last thing everyone here wants is an argument. So Lily why don't you take the guest room tonight and uh Sirius, there's no reason for you to leave, or have a go at Lily for that matter."

Both parties muttered a "fine" and Lily eager refusing to acknowledge or even look at James, headed straight for the guest room.

***

The following morning Lily was woken by a gentle knocking on her door. Thinking it was Kat coming in to talk to her, she invited the person in, only to discover that it was James.

Before Lily could even open her mouth, James pre-empting her spoke, "It's okay, I'm not here to pick a fight. I come bearing breakfast. Freshly squeezed orange juice and two slices of toast with peanut butter, you're favourite."

Surprised, Lily didn't reply and James began to levitate the tray he was holding towards her.

"Look," he continued, "I just wanted to-"

"Lily!" Kat said loudly, out of breath as she came careening into the room, dressing gown flapping behind her. "Someone's here to see you, and he's got roses!"

Lily was out of the bed in a flash, as she walked quickly passed James and Kat and into the living room where Nick was sitting on the couch, just as Kat had said, with roses.

James let the breakfast tray slowly float down onto the bed. Seeing Lily so eagerly run out of bed to greet Nick had been painful enough, but now, with the living room so close to the guest room he could hear the noises of the pair making up drifting into the room.

"I love you too Nick, and I'm so sorry."

James sunk down next to the breakfast tray on the bed, forlorn expression on his face, feeling much like the tray he had put a lot of thought and effort into putting together: forgotten.

* * *

**A/N: So it's been ages since I've updated, years even, I know. It might seem like I've abandoned this story, but I do think about it alot, putting pen to paper is just another thing. The chapter you just read was written over a year ago, I promised myself I wouldn't update until I had more than one chapter written in advance. But I don't have another chapter written, or even planned, and I can't make any promises or assurances now of when I will update next. To the readers who have stuck with me since this story started, thanks sooooo much, you guys and the reviews you've left me mean alot. So like I say, I can't promise when I'll update next, but this story is NOT abadoned, and I am still working on securing that happy ending for Lily and James.**

**ZabinisGirl**


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